


Cradle Our Desire

by BeTheCasToMyDean



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Confessions of love, Death, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff, Implied Smut, Kissing, Mentions of Blood, Use of Knives, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 08:41:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22367614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeTheCasToMyDean/pseuds/BeTheCasToMyDean
Summary: Y/N loses the journal she keeps all her darkest secrets in. What happens when the one person she doesn't want to find it does?
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Reader, Dean Winchester/Taygen (OFC), Jensen Ackles/Reader, Jensen Ackles/You
Kudos: 21





	Cradle Our Desire

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for Saxxxology's Vol. 1 Writing Challenge on Tumblr
> 
> Beta - winecatsandpizza from Tumblr
> 
> The song I chose was Drowning by Radio Company

“That’s a wrap on Y/N!”

You’d been waiting all day for those five words, no matter how bittersweet they’d be to hear. Immediately, you closed your eyes and released a shaky breath. The emotions of the scene you just acted out still played over and over in your mind as you headed towards your trailer. 

It’s not your trailer anymore … not after today. That single thought lingered in your head for a few moments as you willed yourself to keep your tears at bay. As soon as you climbed the stairs and shut the door, your body gave way and you slid down the wall. The tears you tried so hard to hide finally flowed freely down your cheeks. One of your hands covered your mouth just as you let out a choked sob. 

You knew this day would come. Even the greatest of TV shows couldn’t last forever, and fifteen years was a long time. You’d been a series regular ever since season ten, and it was an honor to work alongside two of the greatest actors of your generation. Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles were phenomenal actors on screen and the most humble of men off-screen. You’d be lying if you said you wouldn’t miss them. 

Your character in the show, Taygen, was a rogue hunter who was working on killing a nest of vampires when she met the brothers. The three of you took care of the vamps and the rest was history. Together you worked like a fine-tuned machine and as much as you hated the thought, it was time to say goodbye to her.

Of course, you knew she wouldn’t go down without a fight. No, Tay wasn’t the kind to stand on the sidelines. She would fight until her last breath to protect the ones she loved, and that’s exactly what she did. The tears kept flowing as your mind drifted to how your final scene played out. 

_The pounding of your footfalls echoed through the abandoned warehouse, your hand-crafted knife in your left hand ready to strike. Skidding to a halt, you pressed yourself against the wall to listen for any signs of movement. Sam and Dean had decided that the three of you should split up to cover more ground. You knew they could handle themselves, but something about this hunt just felt … off._

_A loud crash came from the floor above you, and Dean’s yells reverberated off the walls. Panic pricked your skin as you ran as fast as you could up the stairs. Nothing mattered anymore. Not your surroundings, not the vampires, not even God himself couldn’t stop you from getting to where Dean was._

_The bottom of your combat boot collided with the rotting wood of the door sending it flying into the room. Dean laid motionless on the floor, one of the vamps hovering him ready to rip his throat out. “Hey! Asshole! Get your filthy hands off him!” The monster turned and narrowed its eyes, it’s hungry glare turning lethal in an instant before lunging at you. The blade of your knife slashed at the vampire’s chest while your free hand blocked its punches. Just as you were about to finish it off, Dean groaned in pain making you lose focus. “Unngh … Taygen?” The monster knocked your blade from your hand and tossed you into the wall across the room._

_You hit the ground with a sickening thud. Weakly, you pushed yourself up in time to see the vampire turn it’s attention back to the elder Winchester. You knew your ankle was probably broken, but all you could think about was saving Dean. He’d trained you, stayed up with you on nights that you couldn’t sleep, and he’d saved you numerous times when you’d been too reckless. Not to mention that you’d been in love with him since the night you met him and his brother._

_Ignoring the shooting pain in your ankle, you threw your body in front of Dean to shield him from the fatal strike of the Vampire’s razor-sharp teeth. You let out a blood-curdling scream as its fangs pierced the skin of your neck. Even though the monster wasn’t on you for more than a few seconds, the damage was already done. Sam heard your scream and came to yours and Dean’s aid, beheading the vampire with one swipe of his blade._

_Everything felt sluggish around you. The shouts of both the brothers seemed far away as they surrounded you. Dean cursed loudly as Sam ran to get the Impala. “Dammit, Tay! How many times am I gonna have to tell you not to be so reckless!” Your shaky hand came up to rest on his cheek as he held you, your eyes sparkling with tears. “D-Dean … I ... “ He shook his head and swallowed thickly. “Shh, don’t talk sweetheart. Sammy’s goin’ to get the car, and then we’ll get you all fixed up. Cas will heal your ankle, and we’ll get you a cure whipped up in no time.”_

_A lone tear slid down your cheek as you tried to desperately memorize every feature of Dean’s face. His piercing green eyes, those smooth lips, and the collection of freckles scattered all over his flawless skin. “Dean, listen to m-me … I‘m not missin’ my ch-chance to tell you this.” You winced as another stabbing pain shot through your body. “I…” The taste of blood fills your mouth and your vision clouded. You knew you weren’t going to make it out of this alive. “... Love y-you …”_

It had taken you months to prepare for that scene. Being killed off wasn’t the problem, no it was the fact that your character had to finally tell Jensen’s character how she felt. Normally, something like this wouldn’t even phase you. Having a character fall in love with another came as part of the job description, and the actors and actresses who portrayed said characters knew how to separate that from real life. The reason all of this was so hard for you was because your character wasn’t the only one in love. 

Once you finally found the strength to get off the floor of your trailer you walked to where your bedroom was and grabbed a pen out of the cup on your nightstand. Whenever your emotions got the better of you, writing in your journal would always help calm you down. Earlier, you’d started an entry about today’s scene, and you wanted to finish it. You opened the top drawer of your dresser and felt your heart drop to your stomach. It was gone. Your journal was gone. Quickly, you racked your brain and remembered you’d brought it with you to set. You’d been writing in it while sitting in the Bunker’s library as you watched Jared and Jensen do a few takes before your final scene. How could you have been so stupid? There was no telling who’d get their hands on it and see all the things you’ve kept secret for so long. 

You tore across the trailer lot as fast as you could towards the set and came to a stop at the Bunker’s entrance. Calmly and quietly you descended the staircase and navigated to the library. All the color drained from your face when your eyes landed on Dean. He was sitting there intently reading what had to be your latest journal entry. He looked up at you, his face unreadable as his gaze bore into your own. 

“Jay… I… I can explain! I…” He stood and walked towards you, the emotion in his eyes just as intense as they were when Taygen had taken her last breath in Dean’s arms. “Is it true? This...this passage you wrote about me?” You couldn’t look at him anymore, the chipped polish on your nails becoming your focus as you tried to make your brain form words. “Wh-What are you talking about?” His brow furrowed as he pointed to the page he’d been holding. You stood there frozen as he began to read the very entry you’d hoped he’d never see. 

“Today’s the day … the day I complete my run on the greatest TV show. Not only do I have to say goodbye to Supernatural, but I have to live with not seeing the love of my life every day. Jensen doesn’t know it, but he’s the reason I can still hold my head above water in this line of work. Without him, I’d surely be **drowning** by now. He can never know how I feel. I can never tell him. I can’t risk my feelings not being reciprocated…”

By the time he was done reading your vision was blurred by your tears. How could you have been so stupid? Jensen approached your shaking form and used his index and middle fingers to raise your chin so you were looking into his eyes. “Tell me Y/N, I have to know if this is truly how you feel.” There was no going back. There was no way to get out of this, and you felt yourself slip into fight or flight mode. “Why?! Why does it matter Jensen? S’not like you’ll ever feel the same way about me! I’m just… just an average girl from the midwest who’s own family disowned her after she dropped out of college to follow her dreams. You’ve got everything going for you! You’re fucking perfect in every way, and could have any woman on this planet! You’ve already read my feelings so why torture me and make me say what you already know?!”

Your chest heaved as he looked down at you. His eyes never wavering from your own. The silence around the two of you only lasted a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity. “You’re not very observant are you, Y/N?” His smirk only angered you more. “What the fuck are you talking about? So, you find out how I feel and the humiliation isn’t enough for you? You gotta insult me too?! Just forget it! I’m leaving with the little dignity I have left!” You ripped your journal from his hand and started towards the staircase, but before you could get to the landing Jensen had you pressed against the wall. 

“Dammit Y/N, just what exactly do you take me for? Do you think I would hurt someone I love on purpose like that?! Jesus, you just as stubborn as Taygen…” You struggled in his hold but stopped the instant his words hit you. He … loved you? Your eyes snapped up to meet his intense gaze, the silent question being answered. “Yes Y/N, I love you. I’ve loved you for a while, but I always thought you didn’t feel the same.” His fingers grazed your cheek and you leaned into it. The anger you felt left your body instantly as he slowly leaned in. “I’m sorry it took so long, but from this moment on, I’m going to show you just how much you mean to me.” 

His kiss sent sparks through your body, igniting a fire you’d never known about until now. His lips never left yours as he carried you down the Bunker’s hallway, the promises he’d made to you moments before burned in the wake of each kiss he gave.


End file.
